Abandoning Number One

I have never regarded myself as someone who believes in “looking after number one”, that’s for those who are not concerned about how selfish they appear. (I, on the other hand am very concerned about how selfish I might appear.) But, I guess that most of the time I do try to look after myself in the midst of doing other stuff, whether good, bad or indifferent. This instinct is weakened, however, when I know that someone else is looking after me. Conversely, the less I feel others are taking care of my wants and needs, the more I feel the need to take care of them myself.

Is it possible that freedom from such self-absorption and mixed motives lies in trusting someone else to look after me? I’m not a small child anymore, so this is no longer a full-time job for my parents (although they undoubtedly still look after me in lots of ways). I hope that my wife and I, whilst we have vowed to look after each other, realise that we cannot carry the burden of each other’s complete welfare alone. (Although I guess one of the clues that has led me down this road is how much better we look after the other when we feel they are looking out for us, and perhaps more tellingly, vice-versa.) So, the obvious answer in the Christian context of my life and blog is

Knowing (about) God

I know a lot about God. I have devoted considerable time, effort and even money to learning about God. I have read the Bible, numerous books, listened to talks, attended conferences and more for over twenty-five years. I think there may have been a time early on where I was on the right track, but now I think I’m missing the point (and have been for a while).

You see I have been seeking to know and understand all about God, to know how to be a good Christian. It’s really useful, it helps me to make wise choices and live well (up to a point) and most of all it props up my self-image and self-esteem through the approval of the Christians I have surrounded  myself with in almost every aspect of life.

But when was the last time I came to God’s Word seeking to know Him? How often have I read the Bible and associated daily notes or comments and not taken one minute to actually talk to or meet with God Himself?

things to remember…

I am not a failure; I am a sinner.
I am not a disappointment; I am an object of grace.
I do not need to try harder; I need to trust more.

Doubtage

“When I was a young Christian I had serious reservations about other Christians who expressed doubts about their faith. Now that I am older I am wary of those who don’t.”

Paraphrased quote (i.e. I can’t remember it verbatim) from an interview with Jeremy Vine, BBC presenter.

songs

It’s funny how, when the words I sing about how much I allegedly love you do nothing but mock me, the words I sing about who you are and how much you love me seem even more real.

Holy Living Advisory Services

I’m a good Christian, I often consider God’s advice. After all Jesus did say:

“If you love me you will listen to my suggestions” (Easy Living Translation)

Didn’t he?

If you’re not sure try the old NI Version of John 14:15

waxing lyrical

Turns of phrase that caught my ear:

• “Harbour of my soul” – The Waterboys
• “Who’s gonna love you when your looks are gone?” – Paul Simon
• “Love’s on your list of things to do” – Sheryl Crow
• “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got” Sheryl Crow
• “No one said it would be easy, no one said it’d be this hard” Sheryl Crow
• “The fingerprints on me from you” Suzanne Vega
• “If I hadn’t seen such riches, I could live with being poor” James
• “When will I ever learn to live in God, when will I ever learn?” Van Morrison
• “Didn’t I come to bring you a sense of wonder?” Van Morrison

ET said “be good”, but was he right?

A wise friend once asked “is it more important to do good or to be right?” I assume the thought behind the question was that Evangelical Christianity in the West would appear to unquestioningly proclaim that being right is paramount. “Doing good” smacks of liberalism, ends justifying means, earning God’s favour, and other heresies.
In a way such a response is correct, we cannot earn our way into heaven by doing good, we will never do enough, nor can we fulfil the purpose God has for his church merely by doing good social work. However, I think what my friend was getting at is when we choose to show that we are right at the expense of doing good. We have defined being right as being theologically correct, and so we defend our convictions rather than defending the helpless.
This question has been knocking around my head for ages, and this morning, a relatively obvious insight hit me (sorry if I’m a bit slow): being right is doing good, being right is not being theologically correct. This should have been obvious because not only do the Pharisees present a perfect example of being right at the expense of doing good but God himself says it over and over again in the Bible.
God describes his own perfect righteousness as:
“For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.” Deut 10v17-18.
God also defines righteousness for his people in the Old and New Testaments in such terms as:
“learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” Isaiah 1v17
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1v27
So perhaps we do not have to chose between doing good and being right, but redefine being right as doing good! If I am correct, then surely there is a vital role for theology – mining the truth to shape our lives, continually steering us back to God. (He adds belatedly, to avoid being buried under a library of hefty tomes hurled by disgruntled theologians!)

Is it me?

I recently enjoyed a conversation with an inspiring friend on the subject of blogging. I guess I enjoyed it because it made me think. The rough gist of it was that blogging is rather misleading, on the one hand anonymity can encourage honesty, but on the other hand we can be selective about the aspects of our character that we reveal. So just because you apparently read my innermost thoughts on my blog should not lead you to conclude that you know me. I guess if we stopped to think about it, this is pretty obvious. But often we judge people based on what little we know about them, how they look as they walk past, or what they post on the interweb.

I guess I just wanted to clarify that yes, these thoughts are true representations of things that go on in my head, but this is not me. What I write here is just a facet of my conciousness, and a relatively presentable one.

So do call by, read, comment, scoff, whatever; but know that whatever you think of the cracked pot cowboy, you don’t really know him. Only God really knows me, I think he is the only one who could possibly know absolutely everything I’ve ever thought said or done (or ever will) and still love me. What about you?

Ignorance of The Holy

“Be holy because I am holy” God says (and the writer of Leviticus wrote it down). The apostle Peter thinks it’s worth repeating in one of his letters too.

Perhaps one of the reasons I struggle with wanting to be holy is because I fail to appreciate God’s holiness. Maybe it would be easier if I still lived in the shadow of Temple, but given the people of Israel’s talent for ignoring God’s holiness, maybe not. But without the lists of laws, the systems of sacrifices, the place of the priesthood, the imposing temple, and the no-nonsense punishments, how do I appreciate the holiness of God. It’s as though God has softened in his old age, like a parent becoming a grandparent and seemingly becoming more relaxed as we enter an age of grace in the New Testament. Of course this isn’t true, God’s holiness hasn’t changed and Jesus didn’t come to dilute the law but fulfil it. So why does it seem this way? Or is it just me? Naturally, I blame the church, the way they… or should that be “we”? Yes, if church is to blame then that includes me (mental note: need to find another scapegoat).

Rather than indulge in The Blame Game (best TV programme Northern Ireland has produced in ages), at least for now, I have another question emerging in my head. How does Jesus help us to grasp the holiness of God? If he replaced the written code and the sacrifices, temple etc. then surely he has come up with something better? At this point it is probably theologically irresponsible for me to continue without reading the books of Leviticus and Hebrews at least five time right through and several commentaries for good measure. I think if I could have only one of Superman’s powers it wouldn’t be the strength or even the x-ray eyes, it would be the ability to read and inwardly digest books in seconds (if ever there was a recipe for an egotistical agnostic …).

And, do you know, I think that’s what I’m going to do, well start, a little bit. If I am ever to become holier because God is holy I need to understand the role of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in revealing God’s holiness and its significance. Of course, I have a few ideas, but this is too important just to spout my rambling thoughts, I’m afraid I need to do some work. God help me.